I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
