do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
