she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
