I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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