Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
