she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
