like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
two words: eviction party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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