It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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