glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
