the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
