dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
