I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
