we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
