I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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