FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
