I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
