3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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