I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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