my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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