I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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