Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
