So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
