She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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