Sry I called you an 8
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
