I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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