definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
