4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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