6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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