i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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