So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
