I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
