How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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