fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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