Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
