i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
