i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
