I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
