I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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