I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
