Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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