i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
