my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
