the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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