oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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