They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
