I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
two words...techno handjob
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
