i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
