right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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