Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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