They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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