What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
