Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
